Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
