Soap is not a condiment
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Randomize
