totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
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