i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
