turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
