i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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