No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Houston, we have a squirter
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
