Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
3 2 1 whiskey
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Randomize
