You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Randomize
