I understand Curling. That high.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Randomize
