Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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