I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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