Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
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