I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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