why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
