my room smells like sperm. sweet.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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