I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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