I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
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