so explain again why im purple
no
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
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