I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
