I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
