I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
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