And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Randomize
