uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I want to fling myself into the sun
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
