i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
