Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Randomize
