The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
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