He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Lo siento on account of my penis...
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