Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
