U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Are we still banned from the library?
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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