Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Randomize
