Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
