you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
i dont even know how to be here
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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