I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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