She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
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