We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
