I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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