Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
