She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
