I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
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