youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
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