can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Randomize
