she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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