garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
you never un-have a 4some
Randomize
