my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
