it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Randomize
