i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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