Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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