party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
