you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
meet me or not, i'm out of control
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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