She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
