just tell him i said nine months
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
