Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
