How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Randomize
