it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Randomize
