OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
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