Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
