i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
