any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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