I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
