I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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