Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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