Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
