Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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